There’s no avoiding the fact that texting has become a big part of dating and relationships.
In some ways it’s an awesome form of communication when you want to send your guy a quick text to say “Congratulations on your promotion!” or “What time do you want to meet for our date tonight?”
On the other hand, it has completely changed the course of dating forever, and not for the better.
When I was in middle school if you liked someone you had to pick up your landline phone, call their home number, and speak to their mom to ask if they were even available.
This took balls! Yes, guys had to have serious balls to actually speak to the girl they liked, which meant they had to have skin in the game.
Today, overuse of texting with little phone or real life conversation has made it too easy to back out or keep feelings superficial. It’s made a lot of men (and women, we’re at fault too!) kind of cowards when it comes to dating. So if we want a quality man to take charge while dating, we have to give him the power to.
There are a few rules and guidelines for texting etiquette to make sure you’re keeping him interested rather than pushing him away.
1. Be patient when it comes to texting.
When it comes to texting while you’re in a new dating relationship with a guy, patience is a virtue. If you find yourself constantly looking at your phone, anxiously awaiting his text because he hasn’t yet written you back, or sending question marks to see if he got it, you’re being too impatient and missing out on the moments that are now making up your life. It is a sign that dating has begun taking up too much of your life, rather than a part of it.
The problem with this is that when dating becomes your whole life, you’re going to put too much pressure on yourself, on the guy, and on making it work. So give him time to respond to a text…he could be showering, out hiking with his dog, or just taking a technology break.
And the same thing goes for you. If you’re out with friends, going for a long run, or in an important work meeting, it’s not necessary to respond ASAP as soon as you get a text message from him. There’s no need to play games, but don’t jump all over your phone either. Waiting just a few minutes while you finish up what you’re doing can make a big difference.
2. Keep your texts short and sweet.
My husband still jokes that when we were first dating he’d have to scroll through my text messages because I’d write entire stories to him. When I’d do this, asking a million questions, he’d pick up the phone and call me back because it was easier to answer. As a general rule of thumb, if your text message is taking up more than the whole screen, it is too long. Texting is great if it comes to wishing someone good luck, checking in, or asking about a time to meet for your date. It’s also great when you’re in a relationship to let your man know that you’re thinking about him, or send a dirty text that keeps the passion alive. But if you’re just starting to date someone, keeping your texts short (relatively) and sweet is a good way to go.
Another problem with writing long texts as a substitute for conversation is that a lot of nuances get lost in text messages. Sure, you can use emojis, but without seeing your body language or hearing the tone of your voice, a lot can get lost over text and there is a ton of space for misinterpretation. So if you’re feeling angry or hurt and you write out a long text, wait to push send and opt for a real life conversation instead.
3. Be aware of your expectations.
If you’re expecting him to text you every day when you’re new to dating, or are texting him daily, it’s most likely going to push him away because you’re not giving him the chance to miss you. Back in the day, which believe me I feel old saying, when you were first dating someone you had to pick up a landline and call their home number. Therefore you would think twice before doing that, which would give you an actual chance to miss each other and allow the feelings to develop. Pretend your phone is like a land line and that sending a text message means something! It won’t give you the unrealistic expectation that you’re going to hear from this guy every day or that you should text daily.
Plus, if you’re constantly texting him, you’re setting the expectation and standard for the relationship that you’ll do all the work. If you want a guy to do his share of the work and court you, then step back to allow him to step up. A man will treat you the way you expect him to treat you. The same goes if a guy is sending you dick pics and you’re responding by engaging him or thinking it’s funny. If that’s what you want to do that’s fine, but don’t complain when it doesn’t turn into a real relationship because you’ve set the tone of what you expect from him, which is someone he can flirt and play with but never have to put in any real work.
Texting can be great when you’re newly seeing a guy, just keep yourself in check so instead of pushing a man away you keep him wanting to come back for more!
Now, I’d love to know:
1. When has there been a time in your dating life that texting has gotten you into trouble?
2. Which of these tips are you going to make sure to use when newly dating someone?
Fun questions, right? Remember to share as much detail as possible in your reply. Hundreds of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration, and your comment may help someone else see their world in a new light.
If you have friends, clients or colleagues who are frustrated with dating, forward this post. They’ll thank you for the fresh perspective.
With so much love,