How To Be Vulnerable And Love Again After You've Been Deeply Hurt

How To Be Vulnerable And Love Again After You've Been Deeply Hurt

Unless you’re one of the lucky ones that married their high school sweethearts with few bumps in the road (which is very rare), most of us have experienced heartbreak at some point in our lives.

Maybe love has disappointed you and left you questioning your ability to trust yourself in finding the right partner and ever opening up to love again.

The problem is that being open and vulnerable is the only way to feel deep love and connection. When Brene Brown asked a group of people at one of her lectures how many of them would be willing to give up ever being loved again, not ONE of them raised their hand. Not one. That’s because all of us NEED to be loved.

And the truth is that love doesn’t exist without the opposite side of it’s coin, fear. We can’t go through life without ever being hurt. Love takes risk.

We believe that the happy moments in our lives, the loving moments, the passionate and sexy moments are ours to hold onto. So we cling as tightly as we can. But they were never truly ours in the first place, they don’t belong to us, and therefore beg us to open our hands a little more loosely.

To let love come and go, as it’s naturally meant to. This is the most difficult practice of all, and yet the most healing.

I wish I could give you the perfect answer, beautiful. A magic key of sorts to open your heart again and never be hurt.

But the only way to knock down those walls of protection you’ve built around your heart, is to be vulnerable and honest about what you’re feeling.

To get out there and allow a man to prove you wrong. To place your hands on your heart, close your eyes, and breathe deeply as you envision your heart slowly expanding.

Here are 5 ways to let go and open up to love again:

1. Let go of expectations.

Do your best to let go of expectations. I know this is difficult, but let go of what exactly you expect love to look like, especially when you know that love in the past has hurt you.

Just like we can’t control the weather, we can’t expect a certain love or certain partner to be a specific way.

Your Mr. Right isn’t a certain height, drives a certain car, or has a certain personality. Be open to the possibilities.

2. Let go of comparing yourself to everyone else.

One thing I’ve learned is that on social media when everyone else looks like they “have it all together” along with the perfect relationship, this is rarely the case. Many relationships can look good from the outside, but it’s the inside that counts. There are no perfect relationships, just relationships with a strong foundation of love, respect, and willingness to do the work.

We are each on our own journey to understand how to love a little better. Your day will come and your loss will sow the seeds for true love.

3. Let go of resistance.

Although love can be painful and heart-breaking, be willing to open your heart anyway. I know that when we get hurt we put up walls around our hearts. We’re reluctant to let anyone get too close, for fear of being hurt again.

Unfortunately though when you don’t allow yourself to feel the negative emotions, you dampen the ability to feel the positive ones as well.

Be open to meeting new people, be open to being vulnerable, and be open to falling in love again.

Set the intention for love to enter again.

4. Let go of pain.

You can’t let go of your past pain by resisting it, or trying to think your way out of it. If that worked, you would’ve been over it by now. In order to move on you must fully embrace the pain.

Embracing the pain means experiencing loss, sadness, and grief. As difficult as it might be, allow the tears to flow and share your experience with someone you trust like a coach, counselor, family member, or friend.

Free flow journal on the very thing that you may be unwilling to journal about. Don’t judge yourself for what your going through, but give yourself lots of compassion for how difficult it is, and for finding the strength to deal with the pain.

5. Let go of resentment.

Trusting oneself is one of the most important things we can acquire in this life. We cannot trust others deeply until we trust ourselves deeply. Part of the fear of starting a new relationship is that we will repeat the same situation. But don’t allow your past wounds to turn you into a person that you are not.

The best way to begin to let go of resentment is through being more grateful. Getting to a place where you can feel grateful for your ex and the relationship you shared may take time, and extreme willingness, but also start living a life you are grateful for today, without your ex. Notice the big and the small things that are blessings in your life. Appreciate someone opening the door for you, the ‘coincidence’ that worked out perfectly, or the fact that you have an abundance of food to eat.

Making a small gratitude list as you start or end the day can help you move from focusing on resentment to focusing on all the good unfolding.

Now, I’d love to hear from you!

Have you been deeply hurt in the past? Has it created fear of opening up and loving again, or have you found a way to move through it?

Share as much detail as possible in the comments. Hundreds of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration, and what you post may help someone else have a meaningful breakthrough.

If you have friends or family who want to find love after going through a painful breakup, please share this post.

All my love,

XO

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Comments

  1. Susan says

    I am in a very committed 5 year relationship that probably will never turn into anything more because of his past and upbringing. When can they let go and move on? I have given up and am just cherishing what we have and am thankful for it. I sometimes feel marriage isn’t always the ultimate end. Also, some men don’t know what they have until she leaves and then it is usually too late. I am just keeping my doors and windows open to other possibilities. If he doesn’t want to put a ring on it then I am sure someone else will!

    • says

      Hi Susan,

      Thanks for your comment! I agree that marriage isn’t always the ultimate end for everyone. It’s not what everyone wants or is necessarily the “right” choice for each couple! But let me ask you, what do YOU want? What do you want for yourself, to give to this relationship, and receive from the relationship? I’m sure you’re a great catch and yes, if he doesn’t want to put a ring on it, someone else will! xo

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