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Dating is risky.

It can lead to heartbreak, anger, sadness, and bring up all kinds of feelings of rejection.

Feelings that run deep in our subconscious from childhood wounds.

It can trigger us in ways that leave us wondering why we even bother looking for love in the first place when it just seems so freaking hard at times.

The most serious risk: what if it doesn’t work.

But that’s not the only risk.

There’s another risk: the risk of not trying.

How is not trying a risk?

You risk settling and continuing in the same direction in the same way, wondering about other paths and possibilities, believing that this is as good as it gets while something deep in your soul longs for intimacy and love.

Whether you put yourself out there and date, or not, either way there’s a risk.

And sometimes stepping out, for what may be the hundredth time, is actually the less risky thing to do.

Loving yourself through dating disappointments and heartbreak is critical when taking the risk of putting your heart on the line.

The lack of self-love is the basic problem that most of us face, every single day.

We beat ourselves up, all day long.

We get angry at ourselves for saying the wrong thing, messing up in a social situation, drinking too much alcohol, having a one night stand, and so on. We are so harsh with ourselves, and this harshness has compounded over time.

This affects everything from the kind of people we date, to how we love in our relationships.

It makes us less happy, anxious, stuck, dissatisfied in relationships, more likely to reach for junk food or distractions to comfort ourselves.

If we could give ourselves love, it would start to heal all of this.

Everything could shift.

You could take risks and love with your whole heart and soothe yourself in healthy ways during the trials and tribulations.

Here is how to give yourself love when things don’t work out:

  • Pause. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, frustration, anger, or anxiety that you may be feeling related to a dating disappointment or heartbreak. Don’t think about it, just let yourself feel the physical sensations of it in your body. Notice these physical sensations rather than running from them. Give it a few moments.

 

  • Think about someone whom you love very much. This may be a child, a parent, sibling, or friend. Imagine them going through a tough time, and send love from your heart to theirs, desiring them to feel better.

 

  • Turn all those loving, gooey feelings towards yourself and sense it as a kind of emotional salve, healing the wounds that need healing. This may be a bit awkward at first, but just do the best that you can, giving yourself that love.

 

Do this for yourself all the time. Put reminder notes everywhere!

Don’t hold yourself back from this kind of self-love any longer.

It’s the very thing that most of us need, and will be what gets you through dating disappointments and heartbreak.

With so much love,

A.

 

 

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