He Just Went Silent On Me – What Should I Do?

Alexis Meads Dating Coach

You’ve been seeing a new man that you’re really into, and you feel the familiar feeling that comes with getting your hopes up. You actually even allow yourself to be excited about him!

And then, the most crushing blow of all happens. He goes radio silent.

You stare at your phone, praying that he will text or call, jumping at every notification.

But nothing…

I know how it feels, beautiful.

You’re left questioning yourself. Wondering what you did wrong, what you might have said or shouldn’t have said, whether you should’ve just slept with him instead of holding off. Or worse, maybe you just weren’t good enough? Pretty enough? Skinny enough?

It leaves you in a downward spiral, thinking, “how can I be here again?”

You have no idea what to do.

My goal is to help you date from the most empowered place possible. A place where you have worth. You have voice. You get to do the choosing.

When you don’t hear from a man, I know it can feel like you’re doing anything but choosing, but you do still have choice.

First, out of these two scenarios, which does your guy fall into?

A man you’ve only been on a couple of dates with.

Or, the most amazing guy ever where things were progressing really nicely and you’ve been seeing each other regularly.

If it was a guy that you went on just one or two dates with, then the only thing to do is this: move on.

I know it can be tough, but it’s really that simple.

If on the other hand he was the most amazing guy and you thought you were on the road to meeting his parents, then you have to decide if he’s emotionally available or unavailable.

If you believe that he was indeed emotionally available, then it’s up to you to take responsibility, have courage, and have an honest conversation with him to see what is going on between you two. A powerful, alluring woman knows her worth and knows that she is not flawed.

You have the right to a conversation and to know if you have similar relationship goals right now and if the feelings were truly mutual.

If he’s really meant to be your man, then you need to have this conversation no matter how scary it may be. Two loving individuals are committed to the growth of the relationship as well as their growth individually.

If this guy avoids the conversation, never calls you back, or flakes out in some way, then he’s simply not meant to be your guy.

If he does have the conversation but says that now isn’t the right time for him to be in a relationship although he does still want to see you – this is not your guy.

You can’t change his mind into wanting a relationship with you even with sex. He simply isn’t the one.

If this is the case then it’s time to release him.

A true high-quality man will not avoid this conversation. He will square up and be honest with you about why he’s pulled away.

Everyone gets scared sometimes.

Unfortunately many of us didn’t grow up with examples of truly loving and healthy relationships. We may still have but few examples of this in our life. My mission through my coaching and Crazy Wild Love Academy is to change that.

I want you to be the black sheep of our society. Maybe of your family. To break the mold!

So if it was a case that your man got scared, and profusely apologized, then it’s up to you to honor yourself and see if you choose to accept that apology and give him a second chance. Everyone, sometimes, deserves a second chance.

Now, I’d love to hear from you!

Have you ever been in a situation where a man suddenly pulled away? What did you do to deal with it?

Share as much detail as possible in the comments. Hundreds of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration, and your comment could be the spark that sets them free.

If you have friends or family who are struggling to find true love, please share this post.


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  1. Shari says

    It’s a harsh reality that has proven itself true more than once. It’s the emotionally unavailable man that I had spent 5 yrs on. You are exactly right. He’s not the one for me. When I take my thinking this way, I don’t feel I’m wrong, did anything to push him away, or question my looks or personality. It’s just as you said…”simple”! It wasn’t anything other than…He’s not for me. It’s my choice and that helps me move on.

  2. Lita says

    I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for a few years. I’d say we have pretty intense chemistry. When we first started hanging out i was super casual and easygoing with everything… he had just gotten out of an engagement and she cheated on him. I knew he was not in the headspace for anything and kept him at a distance emotionally because I knew he wasn’t ready for anything and respected that.. He ended up telling me he had feelings for me and at that point I let my guard down .. fast forward to now we still have never had a serious relationship .. we keep in contact and he tends to message me when I’m thinking about him/ really feeling a pill to him .. even if we haven’t talked for months it’s kinda weird. I guess we sense each other’s energy. It feels special and always has. He told me that he’s scared and I am frightening. We stare into each other’s eyes for long periods of time. Sometimes he avoids my eyes. When I told him I was scared he said ” ya right ” as if I’d never be scared of him. The insecure part of me thinks he wants nothing with me. But also a small but very very intuitive part of me thinks he is just terrified of being hurt and embarrassed again I guess and does not know how the handle the emotions he feels for me. It’s been a push pull dynamic. We seem very drawn to each other. I’ve let go at this point. I have grown a lot as a person since we started seeing one another and so has he. We tend to go thru the same life experiences at the same time I find. Changing jobs, lifestyle changes etc. Even if we haven’t seen each other for a long time. There’s just something between us i can’t shake … ugh it is frustrating. I suppose I saw this article and it resonates with me. Glad to share ..

    • says

      Hi Lita, thanks for writing! We love having you part of our growing community. It sounds like you have a pretty special and intense connection with this guy, and great that you’ve grown so much as a person. It’s understandable that he’d be scared, after going through an engagement once. Let me ask you, what are you afraid of with him? And what do YOU want? xx

  3. Christina says

    This has happened time and time again over the past 3 years, and I’ve learned to let them go because I do know my own worth.

    The worst one though was a coworker that I had a crush on. I could tell it was mutual, but the couple of times I had brought it up he denied it, so I thought I was crazy. 2 years later after he left the company, on my birthday, he finally got close to me and spent the night with his hands all over me. The next week he acted like nothing ever happened, and when I finally forced him into talking about it, he just made excuses. Which is how I knew he wasn’t emotionally available. I should have known all along.

    • says

      Hey Christina, thanks for sharing your story with us here! I’m glad you’ve learned to let them go and know your own worth. Ahh…I’ve been there with a coworker. So frustrating! Sometimes it can be really difficult to know they’re not emotionally available, but clearly you’re better off that he walked away. xx

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