There’s a reason that I chose him.
After all, I could choose anyone I wanted. I thought I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t.
The fact that I worked with this guy I’d started dating didn’t matter to me then. It made it more exciting, more passionate, more risky.
There was something strong yet sensitive about him. Confident and vulnerable.
Our attraction was powerful. The fact that he was moving at the end of the year didn’t matter to me. The fact that he didn’t take me on proper dates didn’t matter. The fact that I didn’t know if we really had anything in common didn’t matter. I could fill in the blanks for all of these things, because all I knew is that I desperately wanted him to fall for me.
In the end, he never did.
And that’s why you’re here, isn’t it?
Because you’ve been falling for a man who just won’t quite commit. Who you desperately adore but can’t give you all of himself, no matter how much he wants to.
You want to know why. The labels your friends and family and everyone else give him don’t quite fit. It’s not that simple as he’s just not into you.
And if he was capable of admitting it to himself, so does he.
You know you saw something real in him that wasn’t imagined. Your friends and family may not have been able to see it, but you did. There’s a potential there that wants to be fulfilled. And you begin to create your own fantasies of what could be if only he could live up to his potential. If only he could commit to you.
He knows you see the real him, and it scares him. The very thing that attracts him to you is also what is keeping him from committing.
It’s why you can’t just move on without an afterthought. It’s why you’re overthinking it all the time. It’s why you slowly stop talking to your friends about it, because you know what they’re going to say.
The hardest part is that he’s triggered every part of you that longs to be worthy. That longs to be enough for him.
And you are. He sees it, too.
He knows all you have to offer him. He knows how amazing the two of you could be if he could step up and commit to you. But he also knows deep down inside that he can’t.
You can spend years stuck in this pattern. Seeing the potential that you two could have, but knowing in your heart you’re settling for too little because he can’t give all of himself to you.
The only thing you can do is practice acceptance and give him space.
Accept who you are and who he is. Accept what you really need from a relationship. Accept what he needs and what he can or cannot give you right now. Express what needs to be expressed.
And then do the hardest thing of all…give him space.
Giving him space is the only possible way to change the course of this relationship. I know it’s a risk, love, because you may lose him. But it’s also his only chance to wrap his head around what’s going on and to potentially grow. To grow as a human being and to see all that you have to offer.
He may see it. He may not.
But whatever you do, don’t wait around for him to decide.
It’s okay to have hope that he’ll come around. I hoped for a long time with the man I mentioned above. I even flew across the country to spend a weekend with him…after it was over. Yeah.
But it’s another thing to live for that small piece of hope. To put all your chips on red and then refuse to leave the casino.
Go live your life! Get out there! Laugh. Dance. Read. Sing. Set goals. Be with friends. Start dating again.
This isn’t only his opportunity for growth but it’s yours, too.
You know all those feelings he brought up inside of you? Those feelings that you weren’t good enough, that you needed to win his love, that you needed to prove your worth? This is your opportunity to explore those feelings and begin to transcend them.
Discover the gorgeous, confident woman that you were born to be.
The man who’s the right one for you will see every bit of it and will rise to the occasion to make you his.
It’s worth the wait.
Did you need to hear this today? I’m so glad you’re here. I’d love to hear from you below in the comments.
With so much love,