I’ve talked to my clients often about body language, confidence, and flirting with ease. When I looked back on my own dating life, and wondered what came naturally to meet that attracted men, I realized the real secret to flirting and meeting men in the real world.
The truth is that it’s not about looks alone.
In fact, there was a study done by researcher Dr. Monica Moore that actually showed there was NO correlation between physical attractiveness of a woman and how often she was approached by men.
She even proved that “unattractive” women with the right body language were approached more often than attractive women who did not signal correctly.
But if this doesn’t come naturally to you, how do you remember all of that body language?
If you’re out on a date and constantly thinking, “okay now lean forward a bit, make eye contact, wait…not too long with the eye contact…damnit.”
Then you’re not really being present, are you?
And that is what it’s all about with men: your presence.
When I was single I would talk to all sorts of men in the real world and on the dates that I set up through dating sites.
There wasn’t always an instant chemistry, and some of these dates didn’t lead very far.
However, I was extremely good at moving beyond the first date to a man asking me out for date number two.
I’m not the most flirtatious or feminine person in the world.
In fact, I was deeply shy through my teenage years.
And my husband and I still joke about how much I would eat during our dinner dates! He said he thought that I would starve myself all day just to eat a ton of food for him to pay for on our date.
We laugh about it now, but at the time I didn’t even think about it!
I was just being myself and I like food.
So what was this quality that I had to draw men in? To have them want to get to know me more?
This is the real secret to flirting and meeting men in the real world.
It was how I made them feel in my presence about themselves.
I would try to look nice for the dates, have fun, etc. but ultimately it was never about trying to prove myself.
I didn’t have to show them how cool, or fun, or smart, or amazing I was to get them to like me.
I simply showed an interest in them, and then could feel the chemistry building, which became almost an addictive quality for me in dating.
It made me love dating.
I can remember being at a wedding and suddenly being left alone by a mutual friend next to one of the groom’s best men.
We both found ourselves sort of staring forward a little awkwardly, unsure of what to say to one another, and not entirely wanting to be there.
A few hours later we were laughing and dancing.
All I did was begin asking questions about himself.
And then I really listened, as though he was the most interesting person in the world.
If he made a joke, I let myself laugh deeply.
This transforms the way a man views himself, while he’s around you, and that is a very powerful thing.
I don’t want you to do this for the power or the ego potential that it has, as this was a trap that I fell into at one time.
But do it because everyone is interesting at some level.
As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “everyone has a story when you listen for it.”
Rather than going into a date feeling bored, restless, or disillusioned, you can listen for someone’s story and enjoy their company. You can look at it as an opportunity to get to know a new soul.
And that is truly the real secret to flirting and meeting men in the real world.
I put together a guide for you with my best tips on The Art Of Flirting, and it’s only available for a limited time before I go on maternity leave!
Get your free copy of the guide here and share with friends!
Coming from someone who was very shy in high school and didn’t really date, I know that this is a skill that can be learned.
It’s not about attracting in a ton of men but having the ability to attract in the right one.