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I’ve been a Professional Dating Coach for 7 years now, and had been on countless dates before that and meeting my husband. While there is no such thing as fully stress free dating, there are some key things I’ve learned to help clients date and have more fun along the way. Here are 4 things I’ve learned as a dating coach to date with more joy.

“If I can see pain in your eyes then share with me your tears. If I can see joy in your eyes then share with me your smile.” ― Santosh Kalwar

1. Dating needs to be simple.

One of my golden rules when it comes to dating is to keep it simple. With all the endless options out there today of dating apps, dating websites, and a (seemingly) endless sea of partners to choose from, it can become very complicated, very quickly.

You may find yourself overwhelmed by the number of messages you have to sift through. Or wind up dating three guys at one time, wondering if you even like any of them.

Keep it simple. Pare down.

If you’re going to online date, which personally I’m not the biggest fan of, then choose just one app to be on. Set boundaries around it regarding how much time you will spend per day, and per session. Know your goals.

2. You’re not candy.

When I was became a coach for Tony Robbin’s clients, one of my colleagues had told me that her grandmother used to say “You’re not candy. Not everyone is going to like you.”

Accepting this truth that not everyone you date is going to like you and vice versa can be liberating.

It doesn’t mean you need to fill yourself with judgment about every single date, over-analyzing all of his qualities, but just realizing that if it’s not a match for you or for him, that’s okay.

It’s quality, not quantity.

3. Use The Pause.

One of the things my clients often need the most help with is spinning out on thoughts in their head.

Should I text him, or is it too soon? Maybe I should wait until he texts me first. He hasn’t texted me yet, maybe he doesn’t even like me and I shouldn’t expect to hear from him at all. Oh f*ck it, I’ll just text him and get it over with.

We’ve all been there. I help clients to get out of their heads and back into their hearts, which sometimes means talking it through with me.

When you notice yourself spinning, take a pause. Just that pause will give you a little distance from your thoughts. Move positions: stand up, sit down, shake it out. Breathe.

4. Be determined to have fun.

What’s the point of dating if it’s not fun?

I know, you’re probably saying: so that I can meet ‘The One’.

However, if you’re not having fun, then chances are that even if you do meet The One, you may not recognize it and he won’t either.

We met my husband’s cousin for vacation a few years ago, and she said, “One of my life’s motto’s is to have fun wherever I go.”

That always stuck with me.

So on every date, be determined to have fun. Even if the date’s a bit of a dud.

At least enjoy your surroundings. Enjoy some of the conversation. Heck, even just enjoy your drink.

Obviously some of these might take some practice. But it’s worth it, because while you may not enjoy dating all the time, you can let go of the thoughts about it that are causing you to be unhappy.

And just maybe, you can find some incredible love for your experience. Yes, you can love the journey as much as you do when you get there.

xo

Alexis

P.S. So honored to be selected on Best Dating Blogs of 2019! You can see it here: http://moviehustle.com/best-dating-blogs-2019/

 

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