Crazy Wild Love Giveaway Winners

Well, it’s a wrap! The Crazy Wild Love Giveaway is now over for the year and it has been thrilling and such an honor to meet and serve over 1,000 amazing women who desire to find true love. And some who wanted to improve the love they already have. Because whether you’re just trying to get out there and date, or have been married 20 years, it takes a lot of heart, effort, and patience to create the kind of extraordinary love that we all want. (It also takes a handful of toddler-like tantrums while stabbing a pint of Häagen-Dazs ice-cream with a bottle of good Merlot…mmmm…but we won’t go there.) In all seriousness, if you participated in this Giveaway, I’m honored that you took part in this amazing event. And I hope that whenever you need guidance, inspiration, or just an “Of course it’s still normal to be frustrated with Bumble…but you’ll get there, Beautiful”, you’ll turn here for help. Now, for the grand prize winners! Drum roll please… The winner of the lifetime scholarship to the Crazy Wild Love Academy is Teri Gottlieb, and the winner of the Love Breakthrough coaching session is Sarah Miller. Congratulations!!! I am so excited for you women and so grateful for how you showed up in this event. Love, Alexis    

5 Mantras For Those Who Have Lost Hope In Dating

One of the main things I hear from clients and those on my email list or in the Facebook group, is that they’re losing hope in dating. They’re full of despair and not sure if they can go on. This breaks my heart, because I know just how hard it is out there. And I also know that you can get a 2nd, 3rd, or 100th chance. Love is out there, waiting for you. Today I want to share 5 mantras for those who have lost hope in dating. The struggles out there that women (and men alike) are feeling in dating are all too real. Ghosting, friends with benefits, going MIA, texting, over-analyzing, one night stands…the list goes on and on. I’m not diminishing these struggles. However, I also know that love is needed today more than ever, and there are still guys out there wanting a committed relationship as much as you do. In August I was flying from West Palm Beach back to my home in Portland, Oregon when a kind, handsome elderly man sitting next to me asked about the book I was reading. I always get into conversations when I’m flying, so this was no surprise to me as we started talking about our personal lives. He told me he was in West Palm Beach visiting his girlfriend. He’s 84 and she’s 81, they both outlived their spouses, and travel from California to Florida to visit each other every month or so. He chuckled and said, “We found each other on the internet…can you believe it?” I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. I felt so inspired and warmed by this cheery, hopeful man. If he can find love, on the internet, after heartbreak, across the country, in his 80s, then you can too! It’s amazing to me how human beings find the motivation to keep going . . . to keep living and loving, despite the pain and grief and hopelessness we all inevitably experience along the way. I’ve learned through my own dating and relationship failures, and helping my clients through theirs, that when you face struggles with an attitude of openness—open to the painful feelings and emotions you have—it’s not comfortable, but you can still step forward and be OK. Peace of mind through dating is not necessarily being in a place where there is no trouble, overwhelm, or hard realities to deal with—peace of mind means to go through those situations while remaining calm in your head and strong in your heart. One of the best ways to initiate this mindset shift? Practice daily reminders through powerful love mantras. 1. Right now, it’s like this. I was doing my morning meditation through the Calm app (I’m not an affiliate, I just love it!) when she said to embrace “Right now, it’s like this.” That struck a chord with me. Realize that most people make themselves miserable simply by finding it impossible to accept life just as it is presenting itself right now. Let go of your ideal version of how things should be right now. This letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about something or someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only thing you really have control over is yourself in this moment.  It can also mean that you’re willing to look at the same situation with clear eyes and an open heart, and then taking the next step. 2. The best way to move away from something I don’t want is to consistently move towards something I do. Finding that ultimate relationship can take time. The key is in taking one small step, and then another, understanding that what you do in small steps on a daily basis changes everything in the long run.  This concept might seem obvious, but when we’re feeling down about ourselves or our situation, we tend to look for instant gratification. This is what often creates the cycle of going on dating apps, getting a few hits of instant gratification, only to feel lonely and lost again. Instead, go slow to get their fast. It truly is the best way. 3. Life changes every single second, and so can I. Never assume that you are stuck with exactly the way things are right now. When we got dumped, hurt again, disappointed by another or ourselves, there’s a tendency to assume the future holds more of the same. We don’t tend to do this when things are going well. In fact, we do the opposite. We take the good times in the moment for all they’re worth and then we let them go, assuming they can’t last forever. But when we’re struggling, lonely, or scared, it’s easy to create a lot more pain by assuming tomorrow will be just like today. The challenging part about this is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People have told me on my Instagram posts, “Alexis, you make it sounds so easy!” I know that it’s harder than a few sentences you’re going to read. But I also know this, that nothing is harder than not allowing yourself to move past the pain of what happened, and expect better for your future. 4. My experience wasn’t wasted because it made me stronger. Effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. It can make you stronger, wiser, resilient, and even happier in the long run. So when things get tough and you’re losing hope, be patient and keep going. Just because you are struggling does not mean you are failing. When life is absolutely not going as you planned, when you are in the spot where you say, “I never saw myself here,” is it not a fail. What if you could look at your life and rather than hearing the punishing self-talk of “What the f–k is wrong with me?” instead, in a calm and collected way, you hear “Wait. It seems the results of my thoughts and actions are giving me clear feedback that I am in misalignment. This is not a fail and I am not a fail. This is just an error message.” 5. Life is happening for me, rather than to me. I worked for some time coaching Tony Robbins clients, and this was one of my favorite mantras he used. I can tell you from personal experience that I had a really difficult time getting over my first love. For years when nothing else was working out, I couldn’t help but think, “Maybe I made a mistake. I wish we had stayed together.” It seemed like I made a wrong choice, and life was happening to me, or maybe even against me. Years later I got married and had my son, Kai. I look into his sweet little face and think, “Thank God it didn’t work out with anyone else.” When we are suffering, there is so much we can’t see that is actually coming together. Take the long view. Embrace an attitude that life is happening for you. Now I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever found, or are in a place now, where you’re losing hope in dating and finding love? Which of these mantras resonated with you the most? Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply. Hundreds of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration, and your story may help someone else have a meaningful breakthrough. Thank you a thousand times over for adding your love and your voice to this amazing community. If you have friends, clients or colleagues who are ready to find love, please share this post. XO Alexis

Join The Crazy Wild Love Giveaway Event!

Do you see other women in happy and loving relationships and wonder why it hasn’t happened for you?   Do you dream of finding true love with a high quality man? If you sometimes feel like you might not be “good enough,” or the thought of opening your heart up to someone scares you, I have great news! First and foremost, you are good enough and you can find love. And you’re definitely not alone! That’s why I’ve spent months creating a surprise designed especially for you. But before I tell you what it is, let me tell you what it’s NOT… It’s NOT some lame­ resource that promises to be super useful and then doesn’t deliver. It’s NOT going to cost you even a single penny to enjoy – seriously, it’s no-­strings­- attached FREE. It’s NOT going to last forever (so grab it while you can!) Okay. I’m done being cryptic. What I’m talking about here is the Crazy Wild Love Giveaway, which I’m hosting this year as my gift to you for the holidays, and featuring some seriously awesome dating and relationship experts! We all have our unique styles and areas of expertise, which means we can help you in so many different and valuable ways. You CAN find the love you’ve always wanted — Sign up here for free! When you go to the link above and join us for this powerful event, you’ll receive inspirational, unique, high-end gifts from leading experts to shift into living a life that naturally attracts extraordinary LOVE. Join us, so we can show YOU how to have the love you want! For instance, gifts like…
  • Crafting an authentic online dating profile so you get more high quality men attracted to you.
  • Exciting assignments that every couple should complete for deeper connection.
  • Proven secrets to identify and release you hidden blocks to love, and how to get clear on the type of relationship you want.
  • A private Question and Answer call with a matchmaking expert.
  • And more!
As for MY gift, I’m thrilled to offer complimentary access to my 10 Step Program To Greater Self-Love and Confidence. Don’t settle for being alone…love is waiting. Sign up now to join us. With so much love, XO A. P.S. The Crazy Wild Love Giveaway runs November 27th through December 10th. Join us now to receive your gifts P.P.S. I’m thrilled to announce that one of the largest dating sites in Europe, StartDating.dk has listed me as one of the Top 30 Global Dating Blogs in 2017! Thank you! top 30 dating blogs

Four Reasons Why You Still Can't Get Over Your Ex

Four Reasons Why You Still Can't Get Over Your Ex You knew it would be hard getting over him, but you never realized just how hard this was going to be. Whether he ended it, or you, the reality is that you’re not sure you wanted it to end. So here you are, trying to accept the reality of your relationship being over and move on, but that sadness and longing for what could have been deeply lingers, leaving you wondering if you’ll ever get over him. I’m going to share with you four real reasons why you still can’t get over your ex. Let’s say you were in a relationship where you feel perpetually anxious or stressed. You gave it your all, even at the expense of your emotional well-being, but the two of you still broke up. You may have been miserable with him, but now you’re more miserable without him. You spend months, maybe even years, pining away. No matter how pointless you know it is to continue pining over your ex, it doesn’t make it any easier to let go and move forward. Beautiful, you have to stand back up and put yourself out there again. Your heart is stronger than you realize. I’ve been there and I’ve seen heartbreak through to the other side. It takes time and patience. Here are the real reasons it’s so hard to get over your ex:

1. You miss the way he made you feel.

Often it’s not actually your ex that you miss, but the feelings you experienced when you were with him. You miss the connection, the passion, the intimacy, the feeling of being desired. You miss the way he made you feel more than the actual person he was.

After going through a breakup there is almost always a period of withdrawal. Whether it was your decision to end the relationship or not doesn’t really matter. Either way there will suddenly be a void and you may feel like you’re walking on shaky ground as that person is no longer there.

Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria while adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for the butterflies and overall preoccupation that go along with experiencing love. So the withdrawal is very real!

It will definitely be hard at first, but when you push past the initial discomfort, you will be able to function just as well, or even better, than before.

Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about and love you. Focus on building your life back up in a way that makes you feel fulfilled and content with who you are. It’s time to create that sense of worthiness from within.

2. You gave up your life for him.

Being in a relationship can often quickly go from being a part of your life to being your entire life. Maybe you stop hanging out with your friends or family as much, going out, or pursuing your passions. The relationship feels like your everything because at the time it literally is. And if you breakup, you feel empty, like a piece of you is missing. You don’t have those other pieces of your life to fall back on anymore.

The key is to start re-creating and re-building your life and making it joyful and balanced. When you drop other elements of your life and have a boyfriend fill that space, you will have a huge gap once he leaves you. Realize that this isn’t because he was the other half of your heart, but rather because you put a lot of important elements of your life to the wayside.

3. You took it too personally.

“Was it something I did?” “Should I not have slept with him so soon?” “I wish I had been more fun.” These are all thoughts that can go through our heads after a breakup. Rejection hurts, a lot. Even if it had nothing to do with you (which usually it doesn’t), it can still throb and make you feel like you’re somehow not good enough. Sometimes two people just aren’t the right fit. Sometimes both people know how obvious it is, and sometimes only one person does. Sometimes a person was meant for a season of your life, and that was it. Don’t take it too personally because even if you think you f-cked up, as I certainly have in my relationships, it doesn’t mean that the breakup was because you weren’t good enough.

4. You don’t think you’ll ever find anyone as good.

This is the biggest myth of all and the reason most people find it so hard to get over their first love. They clutch at the belief that since they never experienced anything like that before with their first love, they never will experience it again or find someone as wonderful.

You convince yourself that no other guy could possibly have the same qualities as him and therefore you can either try to get him back, or settle for someone else who will never measure up.

Will you meet someone else exactly like him? No, because no two people are exactly alike and even still, that isn’t always a bad thing. The two of you broke up which means that maybe what you need isn’t what you think you want. Rather than finding someone with his exact same traits and qualities, you will find someone even more compatible for you.

Give yourself a chance to love again, to feel again, and to live again. You are alive and here to risk your heart by putting it into something you believe in, as many times as it takes.  Know that these feelings that you felt with him were yours, and you haven’t lost the ability to feel those feelings. He didn’t cause you to feel them; you felt them because you have the capacity to feel that kind of love. Which means you can feel it again.

Your turn…

In what ways have you struggled with heartbreak?  How have you coped?  Please leave a comment below and share your insights with us. XO Alexis  

3 Signs He Is Emotionally Unavailable and Can't Date You Right Now

Maybe it’s happened again. Just when you thought you were done with attracting yet another guy with commitment issues, you’ve found yourself once again dating an incredible guy that has all the wonderful potential, if only he would commit! In this video I’m going to share 3 signs he is emotionally unavailable and can’t date you right now. When I was still dating, I ran into this issue a lot where I’d fall (hard) for a man who was emotionally unavailable in the long run, but I never seemed to be able to spot it at first. It can be such a difficult pattern to break when we’re attracting men who are all wrong for us, until we uncover the root cause of why we are finding guys like this so attractive in the first place. We can keep hanging on for so long, believing that it will be different this time, that we finally know what we’re doing. The problem with dating a man who is emotionally unavailable, is that you really will want to see all of his potential, and when down the road he won’t and can’t commit, you end up blaming it on yourself. You may ask yourself: Why aren’t I enough for him? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I make him happy? I want to save you from that heartache. Because the truth is that it’s really not you at all. If he only could commit, he probably would choose you, as you may be the closest thing to happiness and connection that he desires. I’ve now realized that there are a few red flags that you can usually spot in the first couple of dates.

3 Signs He Is Emotionally Unavailable and Can’t Date You Right Now:

Once you’ve had a chance to watch, I’d love to know: Have you ever gotten caught up with a man who is emotionally unavailable and was never ready for commitment? What advice would you give to someone in that situation? Remember that there is nothing wrong with you. There is the right man out there for you who is just waiting to commit in the way that you are capable of committing to him. If you have friends, clients or colleagues that get caught in negative dating patterns, please share this post. Thank you so much for watching and joining the conversation. With so much love, XO A.