There are two parts to whether or not there will be a second date: the first is looking at what is within your control in terms of being your best self and having a great first date. The other is looking at the other person to know if you even want a second date.
Always go into a date with positive expectation.
Dating needs to be fun!
Even if you’ve been burned before or disappointed from dating, go into the date with the mindset of “This is going to be lots of fun and a great opportunity to meet a new person.” This way any first date has loads of potential, no matter what happens.
Focus on what you can control, which is you!
You can control dressing up nicely for a date and looking your best, having confident body language, and being present on the date. People won’t always remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel. Therefore, rather than trying to be a person of interest, focus on being interested in the other person. Ask them questions about themselves and genuinely listen. Laugh if they crack a joke! Recognize that this person may be nervous and have compassion.
After being sure to present your best self on every date, remember that you get to be the chooser in terms of whether or not you’d like a second date.
When dating with intention, it’s important to know what you want in a relationship, and not to feel obligated to continue dating someone if something is missing. Therefore I recommend writing out a list of values (not traits!) that you’re looking for in another person, qualities that you’re looking for in a relationship itself, and any deal breakers.
For example, if you value someone who is really thoughtful and they spend all of their time on the date talking about themselves while interrupting you, then this probably won’t be your person. Another example is if you’ve always wanted kids and the other person talks about how they hate children and can’t imagine ever having them, this may be a deal breaker for you.
There are some red flags to look out for to know if there shouldn’t be a second date. These include:
o You just aren’t feeling it, for whatever reason. It’s okay if there isn’t a ton of initial chemistry or ‘spark’ on the first date, that can develop, but if your intuition is just telling you that you’re not feeling it, then move on.
o The person is extremely distracted, checking out other people, or constantly on their phone. Of course, if there’s an emergency at work or home that’s an exception, but then they should be transparent with you.
o They ask nothing about you or let you get a word in edgewise.
o If you hear from them within a few days after the date, but they make no point to move the relationship forward, then they could be interested in someone else or just not that into you. It’s time to move on.
o Finally, if the next day there are no details about the date that would make you smile, or you feel dread when they send you a follow-up text, it’s not the right match.
Now I’d love to hear from you.
Choose one or both of the following questions to answer in the comments below.
- What was the worst date you ever had?
- What are some red flags you look out for?
Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply. Hundreds of incredible souls come here each week for insight and inspiration, and your story may help someone else have a meaningful breakthrough.
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