The Big Leap and Diving Boards

the big leap

Have you ever had a time in your life where something really awesome happened, something big…and you ended up sabotaging yourself?

 

Perhaps you got a nice raise at work or met someone who just seems perfect for you…but then those critical thoughts come up.

 

Do I really deserve this?

 

Am I good enough?

 

What if I screw this up?

 

And because subconsciously we don’t really believe that we can have it all, we get sick, or pick a fight with our partner, or screw up at work.

 

In Gay Hendrick’s amazing book, The Big Leap, he describes this phenomenon as upper limiting ourselves. We set our internal thermostat for how much love, money, success, etc. we think we can have in our lives.

 

Then as soon as we start to bust through our upper limit we knock ourselves back down to our comfort zone.

 

I wanted to write about this today because it’s been coming up in my life a lot lately.

 

I had a conversation with a client recently who is starting a new business. Now starting a new business is a combination of excitement and total fear. Talk about busting through an upper limit!

 

She was finding herself becoming extremely disorganized and cluttered. This made her feel miserable and more difficult to do any work on her business.

 

During our call I explained about the Big Leap and it totally clicked. She had taken a day to step back, give herself some space and re-organize. Turned out to be just the thing to get back on track!

 

In my first year of business I experienced my upper limit a lot. Every time I’d push out of my comfort zone or experience a breakthrough I’d get sick for about a week. I started recognizing this as a symptom of the upper limit, and rather than taking it as a sign to stop, I took it as a sign to expand my possibilities and keep going.

 

Think about when you were a little kid and perhaps you were about to do your first dive off a diving board. Chances are you were terrified. You maybe stood at the edge of the diving board, knees shaking, feeling like you were up there for eternity.

 

Then, you jumped!

 

You did it! And it was exhilarating. Thrilling. Terrifying.

 

But then you got back up there and the next time it wasn’t so bad. Maybe you were even daring enough to try something harder.

 

That’s how it is with life.

 

I am here to tell you that the sky’s the limit.

 

If it’s a new job you want, you can have it.

 

If it’s that big love you know deep inside you deserve, you’re worthy of it.

 

If it’s finally paying off all that debt, you can do it.

 

But it might be frightening. That’s okay. Use fear to push you in the direction you need to go.

 

 

Peace and big leaps,

Alexis

 

 

P.S. I recently did an interview on Crazy Wild Love Radio with Courage Coach Billy Anderson. If you want more help busting through your upper limit, listen here and get Billy’s best tips on how to overcome fear and live an awesome life.

Have you ever just been over it?

celebrate

 

First off, we just celebrated of our most recent grads from the Crazy Wild Love Academy and had oh so much fun doing it!

 
Secondly, I’m sorry I didn’t write to you last week. Well, for the past two Wednesdays.
 
Those of you who’ve been on my email list a long time know that I’m pretty good about sending out a weekly new article I think you’ll enjoy.
 
But these past few weeks I’ve just been over it.
 
Peter and I moved to a new apartment (more space, yay!) and have a few other major life changes going on (BIG announcement to come) which has left me feeling totally exhausted with little time for anything else.
 
Do you ever feel like that? Just, over it?
 
Maybe a big change has happened leaving little room in your life for much else.
 
Or maybe you’ve been killing it with an exercise routine and lately you’ve totally fallen off the wagon.
 
Or perhaps the other night you ate an entire bag of peanut M&Ms…been there.
 
And it leaves you thinking…
 
Oh my God am I ever going to get back to my normal schedule?
 
Will I ever feel like exercising…like ever again in my entire life?
 
Or what if I can’t stop eating and have no self-control ahh!
 
But let me present to you a slightly different scenario.
 
What if we could just allow it to be a part of life? To be okay?
 
I believe that life goes in cycles.
 
There are going to be times where you are rockin’ it at work, or perfecting a new habit or on the road to losing 50 pounds.
 
And then there are going to be times where you get sick, a family emergency comes up, you take a new job or you move across the country.
 
And shit just happens. You find yourself falling off the wagon but instead of beating yourself up and worrying that you’ll NEVER EVER feel back on track again…practice self-compassion and just let it be okay.
 
Everyday offers the opportunity for a new choice. Every moment is a new moment.
 
Sometimes we just need a little push, nudge or shove getting us there.
 
xo

Alexis

 
 

P.S. Some of you know that on the side of my business helping people change their beliefs and their lives, I dip my toe to partner with other business ventures I believe in.
 
And guess what? I’m a featured expert in a brand new magazine that you absolutely need to check out. ENERGY to Thrive Magazine focuses on helping real women get real advice on what it takes to be healthy inside and out. No fluff here.
 
The line up of featured experts is stellar and the content is awesome. I wrote all about insert your article title here and I’d love for you to grab your copy and let me know what you think.
 
Did I mention there’s an awesome recipe section?!

 

 

10 Things People Who Are Great At Relationships Do Differently

10 Things People Who Are Great At Relationships Do Differently

Do you ever wonder why some relationships fail while others are totally rocking it?

 
I know that I have for a long time. And still do. This article I first published on The Huffington Post.
 
Now that I’m married, this quest seems more compelling than ever. Having been through the divorce of my parents and many of those around me, this question has burned in my mind.
 
So, I sought answers from the relationships of my friends and clients, extensive research and most importantly, my heart.
 
I’ve put together a list below of the 10 essential qualities of people who are great at relationships. Maybe you can add your own.
 
The good news is that these qualities don’t need to come naturally, they are skills that can be learned.
 

1. They are able to release the past without allowing it to define their current relationship.

Breakups happen. And sometimes they suck. But the most important thing is to realize they don’t have to define you and your relationships going forward. People who are great at relationships have been able to wish their past lover well and move on. When things come up in their new relationship, they are conscious that this person is not the same as their ex, and they treat the situation fairly without placing past blame onto it.
 
 
2. They understand the balance of give and take.

They know that any solid relationship has an equal balance of give and take. For a long time, I had trouble giving much of myself. I expected to receive from my partner, but thought that if I gave too much, I’d get exploited or hurt. My husband now, on the other hand, was the opposite. In his past relationships he did nothing but give, hoping to win over love and not feeling worthy of receiving. Maybe this is why we were drawn towards one another, but are conscious of this challenge and make an effort to have give and take.
 
 
3. They know when they need some space.

Some people disappear when they enter into their relationship. I’m sure you know a person like this or maybe you’ve been there yourself. They enter a relationship and stop hanging out with friends, family or doing things they love. I’ve been there. But here’s the thing, a healthy relationship requires space between the togetherness. It’s OK to do something by yourself to recharge your batteries. Just make sure you give your partner the same freedom.
 
 
4. They learn how to communicate authentically.

Authentic communication is a skill that needs to be practiced, over and over again. It may not come easily to people who never felt heard as a child or are afraid to speak up for themselves and say how they really feel. The key to authentic communication is creating a safe, loving environment within your relationship where you can both feel heard. Saying what you need to say can be scary, but not nearly as scary as bottling everything up.
 
 
5. They discover their partner’s love language and use it regularly.

Have you read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to improve their relationships. Basically, he argues that there are five primary love languages: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Gift Giving. When you understand your primary language and that of your partner, you can make sure you’re both getting your needs met.
 
 
6. They make each other laugh.

Sometimes, it’s best to just let your walls down and share a good laugh. Often, when my husband and I are in a fight and I’m being particularly pouty, he’ll crack a joke until I find myself in fits of laughter. Suddenly, whatever seemed so serious just a minute ago has completely dissolved.
 
 
7. They release false expectations for their partner.

Our partners are only human, just like us. Anyone who has lived with someone for more than a few weeks will realize this. It’s unfair to put false expectations on our partner because they have flaws, faults, insecurities and weaknesses just like the rest of us. That’s what makes them, and your relationship, beautiful.
 
 
8. They stop projecting.

This in and of itself can cure 90 percent of relationship problems. We project our own insecurities or faults onto our partners without even realizing it, because our ego simply can’t stand to accept them as our own. Often, we’re attracted to others that have qualities that we’d like to develop within ourselves. But if we fail to develop these qualities, the infatuation can quickly turn to criticism and blame. Maybe when you first met your partner they seemed “fun and spontaneous,” but now appear just plain flaky. Understand that relationships are a vehicle for your own growth.
 
 
9. They expect good things.

Self-fulfilling prophecies will come true if you expect them to. Period. If you expect for your relationship to fail, then chances are it probably will. Because when we believe something over a long enough period of time, we start to act in ways to prove it to ourselves. This goes for our relationships and for life. So therefore, why not expect only the best to happen? Believe me… it’s just as possible.
 
 
10. Above all, they love.

They love themselves. They love their partners. They love others. They know that they are 100 percent complete and that their partner helps to compliment their already whole selves. They’ve learned to let those walls down around their heart, slowly but surely, and open up to great, wonderful love.
 

Like this post? Click here to receive your copy of Alexis’s FREE Digital Book!

 

7 Reasons You Should Take Better Care of Yourself

7 reasons you should take better care of yourself

 

This article had gone viral on The Huffington Post! Here it is “7 Reasons You Should Take Better Care of Yourself”

I was 22.

 

Like many young women in their twenties, I got out of college with big hopes and big dreams. I moved to a new city, broke out of my five-year college relationship and got my first “real” job.
 
I was partying like I was still in college and everything seemed great…for a while.

 

About a year into it, sh-t got real. The Great Recession hit and many people working in finance like myself lost their jobs. I was fortunately spared but realized I wasn’t happy with the direction my life was going. I had gained about twenty pounds, was constantly exhausted and in and out of a series of relationships.

 

I wanted to know “Who am I?” “What do I want?” and “How do I get what I want?”

 

That’s when I decided I needed to make some major changes in my life. I went back to school at Harvard University in a program I was passionate about, hired a coach and started taking care of myself. My lack of self-love and confidence as well as my poor self-care habits were keeping me from reaching my goals.

 

When I focused on taking care of ME, everything changed. I started the business of my dreams coaching other women. I am back to the weight I was in high school. I’ve married the man of my dreams and more importantly I have a sense of fun and freedom in my life again.

 

I hope these 7 Reasons will inspire you as much as they inspired me.

 

1. When you treat your body with love and respect, she’ll love and respect you back.
 
Why is that so many of us think if we beat up our bodies enough, deprive her or tell her we hate her, she’ll change into exactly what we want? When we learn to treat our bodies with love and respect by feeding her nourishing foods, exercising and noticing all the things that make us beautiful – your body will effortlessly change into the beautiful goddess she is.
 
2. When you don’t take good care of yourself, it dampens your inner glow.
 
Our beauty comes from within, but if we don’t take good care of ourselves, throw our hair into a greasy bun and walk around in our sweatpants all day, it dampens that inner glow.
 
3. Taking care of you is the same as taking care of others.
 
Ask a pregnant woman this and she’ll tell you that taking care of herself is literally taking care of her baby. When you take care of yourself you will have more time, energy and love to give to those around you.
 
4. Put your own safety mask on first.
 
We have all heard this safety instruction in case of an emergency before a plane takes off. It’s the same in life – you have to put your own safety mask on first or you won’t be any good to anyone else.
 
5. “When you allow your own light to shine, you unconsciously allow others to do the same.”
 
This is one of my favorite quotes by Marianne Williamson, and she reminds us that when we take care of ourselves and allow our own light to shine, we are allowing others to do the same. You can literally become someone who inspires others with their love and energy.
 
6. You can do it all, but you can’t do it all at once.
 
There’s a lot of modern superwomen out there who feel pressure to juggle it all – from the kids, to the marriage, successful career, sexy body, great house, friends…etc. Remember that you can do it all, but if you try to do it all at once you’ll get burnt out and overwhelmed.
 
7. You can go into energy debt just like you can financial debt.
 
No one would possibly advise that you go into severe financial debt, right? Well your physical energy is another one of your key resources. When you overextend yourself you build up an energy debt, and have none leftover for all the wonderful things in your life!