11 Steps to Prepare Yourself for Really Awesome Love

11 steps to prepare yourself for really awesome love

When I was 18, I thought I had met the man I was going to marry.

By the time I was 22, I was ready to move on and see what else the world had to offer me.
 
At 25, I started to question every decision with every man I’d ever dated.
 
I questioned my decision to break up with my first love. I questioned who I should be dating. I was unsure of how to heal my wounds and find true happiness in a relationship. I stumbled and faltered and fell down quite a bit.
 
At almost 29 years of age, I married my soul mate. It’s not the end of the journey, but the beginning of one.
 
Getting to that point was a process, a learning experience and an adventure.
 
Sometimes I felt very lost along the way. However, in hindsight, there was a definite path.
 
Even when I first met my husband, I wasn’t ready for him. There were steps I had to take for myself, by myself, to prepare for that really awesome love.
 
So, if you desire that big love you know you deserve and are feeling a little lost along the way, I hope these steps will help. They did for me.
 
1. Ditch the list.

If you’re anything like I was, you may have written down or noted in the back of your head a list of superficial qualities your soul mate will have. Mine was something like “must be over six feet tall, have dark shaggy hair, light eyes, drive a nice car, funny, etc.” I’m not sure if I was listing qualities I even really cared about or emulating a magazine ad. It’s one thing to know what’s important to you in a relationship or to meet someone with similar values, but do yourself a favor and ditch the laundry list of traits.
 
2. Know your core desired feelings.

This section will help clarify why I recommended you ditch the list. Rather than superficial qualities, decide how you want to feel in a relationship. Is it special? Safe? Admired? Intellectually stimulated? Sexy?

When I first met my husband, he didn’t meet my whole list of traits I thought he must have. And at first, I used this to make every excuse as to why it wouldn’t work. But then one day, we connected on a much deeper level and all of those excuses came crumbling down. He made me feel the way I wanted to feel. Decide on four to six core desired feelings that are a must for you in a relationship.
 
3. Be your own boyfriend (or girlfriend).

Once you are clear on the feelings you desire, be your own boyfriend or girlfriend. Meaning, if you want to feel sexy, think of ways that you can make yourself feel sexy now. If you want to feel cherished, think of ways to cherish yourself. Buy yourself flowers, take a long bath, hit the gym, play hooky and go to the beach. Do whatever it takes to feel really good about your life right now. When you’re already feeling those feelings, you’ll attract the right partner to you.
 
4. Get real.

Get real with yourself and the life you want to live. Be authentic. Stop living the life you thought you’re supposed to live, or someone else’s version of happiness for you. You are unique and you have unique talents, qualities and desires. Lead with your soul and explore where it’s telling you to go.
 
5. Put your affairs in order.

What areas of your life could use a little spring cleaning? Rather than hoping someone will walk into your life and save you, start saving yourself. If your finances are a disaster, take steps or get help to put them in order. If your house is a mess, start cleaning and organizing. Simplify your life. Declutter wherever possible. Move on from toxic relationships that you know aren’t serving you.
 
6. Take good care of yourself.

Self-care leads to a sense of well-being. This means treating your body well by eating foods that nourish it, getting a sweat on regularly, giving yourself enough sleep and drinking plenty of water. These are simple but powerful ways of practicing self-care and raising up your own magnetic qualities to attract awesome love. Plus, when you care for yourself, you’ll be ready to also care for your partner when he or she arrives.
 
7. Take a time out.

In my mid-twenties I was in constant relationships with little time to myself. Each new partner brought some hope for great love, but inevitably ended up falling into a similar pattern as the last. It wasn’t their fault; it was mine. I needed to take a time out and focus on myself and what I wanted for awhile. I took about six months to do just that. I learned to practice self-love, set goals for my life and move forward in a powerful way.
 
8. Tie up any loose ends.

Allow for your past to be in the past. Heal any heartbreaks and tend to any wounds that could use some attention. Release past love by forgiving yourself and others and deciding to use the experience as fuel for growth. We often carry around a lifetime worth of pain that leaves us feeling heavy and sad. Let it go. Turn yourself from a victim into a hero who overcame their obstacles.
 
9. Tell yourself a different story.

Research has shown that it’s the stories we tell ourselves about our lives that actually shape our happiness and matter more than the actual events of our lives. Therefore, if you still feel anguish from a particularly rough breakup, change the story you tell yourself about it. For example, rather than being the poor girl (or guy) who got cheated on and will never heal, make yourself the heroine who got out of a terrible situation before you married and made a big mistake. Or if you were a child of divorced parents and worry that you’re doomed to repeat the same pattern, change your story and turn yourself into the outlier of your family who will cultivate a lasting relationship.
 
10. Lead with your intuition.

Learn how to trust and lead with your intuition. We can tune into our intuition by getting in touch with our bodies. Think back to a time where you knew you were making a bad decision, but did it anyway. How does your body feel thinking about it? Perhaps you notice a constriction in your chest or a sickness in your stomach. On the other hand, think back to a time where you felt really good about a decision you were making. How does that feel in your body instead? Next time you’re unsure of what your intuition is trying to tell you, remember to tune into those feelings in your body. This is especially true when meeting the right partner.
 
11. When you find that special person, notice if you’re talking yourself into the relationship or out of it.

A girlfriend of mine recently entered into a relationship and although she feels rather happy, has found herself questioning it. This is her usual pattern and not a symptom of the relationship itself. I did the same thing when I first met my husband as fears surfaced in the initial phase. A trick I learned was to notice if you’re talking yourself into the relationship or out of it.
 
If you have to talk yourself into the relationship, then chances are it’s not right for you. This is when your gut is telling you it’s wrong, but you’re finding excuses to stay. However, if you’re talking yourself out of the relationship, it may be a good fit for you, but your fears are getting in the way. This is when you are actually feeling really happy, but your ego is finding complications to give yourself an out.
 
Like this post? Click here to receive your copy of Alexis’s FREE Digital Book!

 

xo

Alexis

Is your weight constantly holding you back? Check this out.

Stop Fighting Food

 

Today I want to talk to you about a very sensitive and challenging issue.

I see too many people in my life constantly struggling with food and their weight, and today, if you fall into this category, I want to talk to you…
 
I want to talk to those of you who are:
 
Constantly searching for the perfect diet,
and constantly falling off the perfect diet,
 
Constantly swinging between “this time I’ve got it,”
and “oh crap, I suck, I’ll never get this.”
 
and always feeling “good” or “badly” about yourself,
depending on what fits in your closet,
or how well you ate that day.
 
More than anything, I want to talk to those of you who feel like dieting or weight management are a full time job – think about how much more full your life would be, if food didn’t take up so much time and energy.
 
So many people I work with allow their weight, and the way they feel about themselves, to hold them back.
 
Not dating because you don’t feel confident about the way you look.
 
Comparing yourself to others and never feeling good ‘enough’.
 
Holding yourself back from going after your dreams because you don’t feel like you’re worth it, or wonder if you can even do it.
 
Isabel Foxen Duke, my friend and founder of Stop Fighting Food, is committed to helping others break out of this tiring cycle.
 
Unlike many food or body experts, Isabel doesn’t think this is an issue of will power or finding the right diet.
 
She spent years studying behaviors with food, and discovered that it’s our beliefs and thoughts about food and weight that keep us stuck in the diet-binge cycle – and it’s in changing our thinking that we can find a way out.
 
I have personally learned SO much from Isabel and highly recommend her to anyone struggling with these issues. This is life changing stuff here…
 
So, if you’re over the diets and want to finally start thinking differently, you can check out Isabel’s free introductory video series here.
 
Isabel’s unique voice in the “emotional eating” space has helped thousands of people all over the world (even Ricki Lake is a fan!) and I’m a proud supporter of her work.
 
You don’t have to live your life clinging desperately to diets, only to end up with your fingers in a jar of Nutella at the end of the day.
 
Here’s the link again to check it out and sign up for free if this resonates!
 
Peace and food freedom,

Alexis
 
P.S. Here’s a sneak peek at my own before & after when I was struggling with my body & weight….
before and after
 

Forgive your way thin

forgive your way thin

By Stephanie Ferisin

I’m not perfect.

 
Not even close. I love chocolate and red wine and I can’t resist a good pizza.
 
And sometimes I overdo it. But overall, I pride myself on maintaining a healthy mind and body.
 
That’s now, but about four years ago, my life was totally different. I hated my body, I struggled with my weight, and food was my frenemy (friend/enemy) – it was a source of comfort, stress, pleasure, sadness, boredom, and more.
 
I was constantly stressing over what I ate and what I weighed.
 
And as a result, whether I was ten pounds underweight, overweight or at various points between, I was completely miserable and desperately lacked self-care.
 
My life felt like a roller coaster; food was the car and I was just along for the ride. And that really sucked. For so many years, I had tried to get my eating under wraps; I cut out all the “junk” and ate mostly fruits and veggies and vowed to exercise on the reg, hoping that one day, it would stick and I’d be healed.
 
And repeatedly, I was disappointed when it didn’t work.
 
When you know that deep down inside you have the potential to be so much more than what you’re putting out there, you become frustrated and beat down on yourself. And the truth is, the negative self-talk, name-calling (calling your body fat) and defeated attitude do nothing good for you.
 
You get stressed and bummed out. And when you’re bummed out, you eat.
 
The good news is that there’s a way out of this and it doesn’t include diets, detoxes, juice cleanses, pills or any kind of “magic fix.”
 
The key is forgiveness.
 
Forgiveness is the first step to permanently changing your relationship with food and your body.
 
When you can forgive yourself for mistakes you’ve made in the past, you allow yourself to see you for you, not your struggle.
 
You grant yourself the opportunity to make peace with your body; to thank her being there for you, after all you’ve put her through – the starving, bingeing, purging, name-calling, you name it.
 
Forgiveness is your ticket to freedom.
 
You see, most women believe that if they can just gain control over their weight, everything else will fall into place; they’ll feel confident, have more fun, be carefree and get the body they dream of.
 
But when trying hard isn’t working, I encourage you to try easier. To surrender control. To trust that your body knows better and won’t mislead you.
 
If that sounds good to you, here are a few tips to get you started:

  1. Give yourself “permission to be human;” to mess up. To learn through trial and error. Use your “mistakes” as lessons. With compassionate curiosity start to ask yourself, “what happened to cause this food frenzy?” Understanding your triggers will help you identify a binge before it happens and allow you to find new ways to handle your emotions.

 

  1. Speak to yourself sweetly. Changing the conversation that you have with yourself can be an extremely powerful tool to healing and forgiveness. Try turning around your negative self-talk to something more positive. Example: “I’ll never be able to stop binge-eating. I just don’t have the willpower.” To: “I’m doing my best to listen to my body’s needs and I fully love and accept myself.”

 

  1. Surrender control. Remove the labels from the “good” versus “bad” foods. Restrictive eating only leads to bingeing.

 

Remember, as with learning anything new, give yourself time and patience to acquire and practice these new, gentle and loving tools. Like working a new muscle, you will feel stronger each time you practice.
 
And that practice will lead to progress.

 

Guest Author Bio:

stephanieStephanie Lisetta Ferisin is a Body Image & Intuitive Eating Coach. Stephanie works with men and women who are sick and tired of struggling with their relationship with food and their bodies and want to feel and look their best without stressing over what they eat and what they weigh. In her one-on-one work, Stephanie helps her clients discover within, a body and life they desire through self-love and self-acceptance. She creates a safe space for her clients to receive the compassion, support and guidance to help them letting food consume them so they can live the good life, drama-free.
 
Stephanie is unlike many other nutrition and health experts in that her approach to wellness does not dwell on counting calories and weighing out foods. Her philosophy is that nourishment goes beyond the food on your plate. True nourishment refers to the self-love, self-care and whole foods that feed our mental, emotional and physical bodies. Through her unique approach, Stephanie empowers individuals to change their perspective on weight and weight loss so they can spend less time obsessing over the number on the scale and more time doing what they love to do most.

On Pregnancy and Loss…How to Deal With the Pain of Miscarriage

on pregnancy and loss

I wish I could share some happier news with you.

I had been excited to tell you that I was pregnant, but sadly that came to an abrupt end last week.
 
I try to usually write and share things that I hope will inspire or uplift you in some way, but I want to also share my sadness and pain as well as my love and joy.
 
And the truth is that life is full of all these moments. It’s a rainbow of colors, feelings, emotions and experience that sometimes just feels gray.
 
So yes…last week I had a miscarriage.
 
And went through the range of emotions that come with a loss.
 
It all happened so quickly, and I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the physical pain that accompanied the procedure I went.
 
But what surprised me most was the emotional pain I felt. Especially when getting pregnant with my husband Peter came as a bit of a surprise.
 
At first I felt resentment.
 
After finding out at my doctor’s appointment that the baby had no heart beat I went out for lunch and had a beer. A very large beer.
 
I felt angry that for the last few months I had been tired, nauseas, unable to enjoy my life as I normally would for what felt like nothing. I also felt angry at friends I saw who had normal pregnancies. Feelings of “why did I have to go through this when they got to hear their baby’s heart beat?”.
 
Those feelings soon passed and were replaced with sheer physical pain, turning to excitement at feeling better, and then transitioning into the sadness and grief that accompanies loss.
 
I did a lot of crying. I talked to God. Talked to friends. Was sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a nice card.
 
And I talked to women. It was such a gift to realize that I was not alone. Sooo many women have miscarriages, even ones who have healthy babies now. It is nature’s way. And it can also be a cleansing process for your womb to have a healthy pregnancy going forward.
 
Yet so many women sweep it under the rug. This was my initial reaction too. To just get over it and deal with the pain on my own. I think in part because I want to move on with my life. And in part because I feel like a failure. I have no idea why I feel that way, but it’s a definite underlying tone.
 
This is why I knew I needed to write this article. So any woman going through this experience knows she’s not alone.
 
Today, I’m just feeling gratitude. I haven’t experienced much great loss yet in my life, and this process has brought a new sense of color and richness to my life that I hadn’t experienced before.
 
During the actual pregnancy I felt feelings of depression for the first time due to hormones, so now I’ll have a deeper sense of compassion for those suffering from depression.
 
The experience has brought me closer to my husband, who was there with me the whole time, holding a cold towel on my forehead when I needed it. And for his love and the bond we share I am extremely grateful.
 
It has also brought me closer to other members of my family and friends. I am blessed to have a support network who reach out to me when I’m too afraid to reach out to them.
 
It has also taught me that so much is out of our control. This was my first pregnancy and I took it for granted. I thought it was within my control. God had other plans for me apparently. I learned to surrender…to my body, to life, to God. I know that next time I become pregnant one day (and I am still quite hopeful) I will embrace it for the miracle it is.
quote 18
 

Love,

Alexis

 
P.S. I also realize that every miscarriage is different, and each hard in their own way. For mother’s who lose their babies far into pregnancy, or even shortly after birth…my heart goes out to you. I don’t know how you do it.