6 Warning Signs That It May Be Time to Get Out of a Relationship

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Have you or a friend ever been in a toxic relationship and all the warning signs were there, but you just couldn’t seem to get out of it?

 
I’ve been there before.
 
In a pattern of relationships where I was totally blinded by all the warning signs because there was an addictive quality to it. The highs of the relationship almost made the lows seem worth it. Until they weren’t.
 
But I am so thankful that I had friends to help see me through and that I broke away before it was too late.
 
I don’t regret those relationships, because they taught me a lot about myself, about how to relate to another person and what I don’t want going forward.
 
The thing is that there is another way. You can break yourself out of the cycle.
 
Relationships can be loving, healthy, happy and whole.
 
The signs below are by no means a complete list, but from my experience have been tell-tale signs of a toxic relationship and may be reason to move on.
 

1. Your friends and family have been warning you about your partner, but you don’t want to listen.

No one truly knows your relationship but you. That being said, if all of your friends and family seem to disapprove of the person you’re dating, that may be a red flag. Rather than isolating yourself from friends and family, you may want to ask them why they feel that way and really listen to the answer.

2. You feel that you need each other and become clingy.

I used to think that the perfect relationship was when I found my other half to make me whole. While common, this can actually be a pretty distorted view. I’d find another person who also felt less than whole and our relationship became clingy and needy. It’s great to love someone and want to be around them as often as possible, but it’s another thing to feel like you need them to be complete. The best relationships are two whole people who come together and complement one another in the greatest possible way.

3. You spend almost all your time with your partner while spending less and less time with friends and family.

Spending a lot of time with someone when you first start dating and fall in love is natural. But when you find yourself spending less and less time with friends or family, or maybe even isolating yourself from them, this can be a warning sign. This is especially if your partner is encouraging you not to see other people and becomes possessive. Don’t forget that relationships can come to an end and your friends are the ones who will be there for you when it does. Cherish them.

4. You or your partner get angry and jealous often.

How many people know that couple that’s constantly fighting? Or maybe you’ve been that couple before? Yes, it can spark passion and you might justify that the great makeup sex makes the fighting worthwhile. But it’s not healthy or sustainable. Not to mention no one enjoys being around a couple that fights all the time. This is especially a warning sign if you or your partner gets extremely jealous of someone else talking to you.

5. The relationship takes more energy than it gives you.

I often talk to friends or clients who are in new relationships that they know just aren’t quite working, but cling to them anyways. They complain a lot about it and find themselves obsessing over texts and phone calls. One thing I always ask them is, “Does it make you happy more often than it makes you stressed or upset?” If you can honestly answer yes, then maybe hang on to see if you can smooth out the bumps. But if the relationship has become a total energy drain, this may be a sign to move on.

6. You find yourself taking on negative habits.

This point came from one particular relationship I was in where I found myself drinking a lot more than I normally would. The relationship was a total roller coaster, and it definitely had it’s thrills, but the thrills came at a cost. Every time we’d go out I felt pressured to drink more than I was comfortable with. I did it in part to impress them and also to ease the anxiety I was feeling. This was a huge red flag. So if you find yourself taking on negative habits due to the relationship such as excessively drinking, smoking, missing work or whatever it is… stop and ask if that’s really you.

 

xo

Alexis

 

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11 Steps to Prepare Yourself for Really Awesome Love

11 steps to prepare yourself for really awesome love

When I was 18, I thought I had met the man I was going to marry.

By the time I was 22, I was ready to move on and see what else the world had to offer me.
 
At 25, I started to question every decision with every man I’d ever dated.
 
I questioned my decision to break up with my first love. I questioned who I should be dating. I was unsure of how to heal my wounds and find true happiness in a relationship. I stumbled and faltered and fell down quite a bit.
 
At almost 29 years of age, I married my soul mate. It’s not the end of the journey, but the beginning of one.
 
Getting to that point was a process, a learning experience and an adventure.
 
Sometimes I felt very lost along the way. However, in hindsight, there was a definite path.
 
Even when I first met my husband, I wasn’t ready for him. There were steps I had to take for myself, by myself, to prepare for that really awesome love.
 
So, if you desire that big love you know you deserve and are feeling a little lost along the way, I hope these steps will help. They did for me.
 
1. Ditch the list.

If you’re anything like I was, you may have written down or noted in the back of your head a list of superficial qualities your soul mate will have. Mine was something like “must be over six feet tall, have dark shaggy hair, light eyes, drive a nice car, funny, etc.” I’m not sure if I was listing qualities I even really cared about or emulating a magazine ad. It’s one thing to know what’s important to you in a relationship or to meet someone with similar values, but do yourself a favor and ditch the laundry list of traits.
 
2. Know your core desired feelings.

This section will help clarify why I recommended you ditch the list. Rather than superficial qualities, decide how you want to feel in a relationship. Is it special? Safe? Admired? Intellectually stimulated? Sexy?

When I first met my husband, he didn’t meet my whole list of traits I thought he must have. And at first, I used this to make every excuse as to why it wouldn’t work. But then one day, we connected on a much deeper level and all of those excuses came crumbling down. He made me feel the way I wanted to feel. Decide on four to six core desired feelings that are a must for you in a relationship.
 
3. Be your own boyfriend (or girlfriend).

Once you are clear on the feelings you desire, be your own boyfriend or girlfriend. Meaning, if you want to feel sexy, think of ways that you can make yourself feel sexy now. If you want to feel cherished, think of ways to cherish yourself. Buy yourself flowers, take a long bath, hit the gym, play hooky and go to the beach. Do whatever it takes to feel really good about your life right now. When you’re already feeling those feelings, you’ll attract the right partner to you.
 
4. Get real.

Get real with yourself and the life you want to live. Be authentic. Stop living the life you thought you’re supposed to live, or someone else’s version of happiness for you. You are unique and you have unique talents, qualities and desires. Lead with your soul and explore where it’s telling you to go.
 
5. Put your affairs in order.

What areas of your life could use a little spring cleaning? Rather than hoping someone will walk into your life and save you, start saving yourself. If your finances are a disaster, take steps or get help to put them in order. If your house is a mess, start cleaning and organizing. Simplify your life. Declutter wherever possible. Move on from toxic relationships that you know aren’t serving you.
 
6. Take good care of yourself.

Self-care leads to a sense of well-being. This means treating your body well by eating foods that nourish it, getting a sweat on regularly, giving yourself enough sleep and drinking plenty of water. These are simple but powerful ways of practicing self-care and raising up your own magnetic qualities to attract awesome love. Plus, when you care for yourself, you’ll be ready to also care for your partner when he or she arrives.
 
7. Take a time out.

In my mid-twenties I was in constant relationships with little time to myself. Each new partner brought some hope for great love, but inevitably ended up falling into a similar pattern as the last. It wasn’t their fault; it was mine. I needed to take a time out and focus on myself and what I wanted for awhile. I took about six months to do just that. I learned to practice self-love, set goals for my life and move forward in a powerful way.
 
8. Tie up any loose ends.

Allow for your past to be in the past. Heal any heartbreaks and tend to any wounds that could use some attention. Release past love by forgiving yourself and others and deciding to use the experience as fuel for growth. We often carry around a lifetime worth of pain that leaves us feeling heavy and sad. Let it go. Turn yourself from a victim into a hero who overcame their obstacles.
 
9. Tell yourself a different story.

Research has shown that it’s the stories we tell ourselves about our lives that actually shape our happiness and matter more than the actual events of our lives. Therefore, if you still feel anguish from a particularly rough breakup, change the story you tell yourself about it. For example, rather than being the poor girl (or guy) who got cheated on and will never heal, make yourself the heroine who got out of a terrible situation before you married and made a big mistake. Or if you were a child of divorced parents and worry that you’re doomed to repeat the same pattern, change your story and turn yourself into the outlier of your family who will cultivate a lasting relationship.
 
10. Lead with your intuition.

Learn how to trust and lead with your intuition. We can tune into our intuition by getting in touch with our bodies. Think back to a time where you knew you were making a bad decision, but did it anyway. How does your body feel thinking about it? Perhaps you notice a constriction in your chest or a sickness in your stomach. On the other hand, think back to a time where you felt really good about a decision you were making. How does that feel in your body instead? Next time you’re unsure of what your intuition is trying to tell you, remember to tune into those feelings in your body. This is especially true when meeting the right partner.
 
11. When you find that special person, notice if you’re talking yourself into the relationship or out of it.

A girlfriend of mine recently entered into a relationship and although she feels rather happy, has found herself questioning it. This is her usual pattern and not a symptom of the relationship itself. I did the same thing when I first met my husband as fears surfaced in the initial phase. A trick I learned was to notice if you’re talking yourself into the relationship or out of it.
 
If you have to talk yourself into the relationship, then chances are it’s not right for you. This is when your gut is telling you it’s wrong, but you’re finding excuses to stay. However, if you’re talking yourself out of the relationship, it may be a good fit for you, but your fears are getting in the way. This is when you are actually feeling really happy, but your ego is finding complications to give yourself an out.
 
Like this post? Click here to receive your copy of Alexis’s FREE Digital Book!

 

xo

Alexis

Is your weight constantly holding you back? Check this out.

Stop Fighting Food

 

Today I want to talk to you about a very sensitive and challenging issue.

I see too many people in my life constantly struggling with food and their weight, and today, if you fall into this category, I want to talk to you…
 
I want to talk to those of you who are:
 
Constantly searching for the perfect diet,
and constantly falling off the perfect diet,
 
Constantly swinging between “this time I’ve got it,”
and “oh crap, I suck, I’ll never get this.”
 
and always feeling “good” or “badly” about yourself,
depending on what fits in your closet,
or how well you ate that day.
 
More than anything, I want to talk to those of you who feel like dieting or weight management are a full time job – think about how much more full your life would be, if food didn’t take up so much time and energy.
 
So many people I work with allow their weight, and the way they feel about themselves, to hold them back.
 
Not dating because you don’t feel confident about the way you look.
 
Comparing yourself to others and never feeling good ‘enough’.
 
Holding yourself back from going after your dreams because you don’t feel like you’re worth it, or wonder if you can even do it.
 
Isabel Foxen Duke, my friend and founder of Stop Fighting Food, is committed to helping others break out of this tiring cycle.
 
Unlike many food or body experts, Isabel doesn’t think this is an issue of will power or finding the right diet.
 
She spent years studying behaviors with food, and discovered that it’s our beliefs and thoughts about food and weight that keep us stuck in the diet-binge cycle – and it’s in changing our thinking that we can find a way out.
 
I have personally learned SO much from Isabel and highly recommend her to anyone struggling with these issues. This is life changing stuff here…
 
So, if you’re over the diets and want to finally start thinking differently, you can check out Isabel’s free introductory video series here.
 
Isabel’s unique voice in the “emotional eating” space has helped thousands of people all over the world (even Ricki Lake is a fan!) and I’m a proud supporter of her work.
 
You don’t have to live your life clinging desperately to diets, only to end up with your fingers in a jar of Nutella at the end of the day.
 
Here’s the link again to check it out and sign up for free if this resonates!
 
Peace and food freedom,

Alexis
 
P.S. Here’s a sneak peek at my own before & after when I was struggling with my body & weight….
before and after
 

Forgive your way thin

forgive your way thin

By Stephanie Ferisin

I’m not perfect.

 
Not even close. I love chocolate and red wine and I can’t resist a good pizza.
 
And sometimes I overdo it. But overall, I pride myself on maintaining a healthy mind and body.
 
That’s now, but about four years ago, my life was totally different. I hated my body, I struggled with my weight, and food was my frenemy (friend/enemy) – it was a source of comfort, stress, pleasure, sadness, boredom, and more.
 
I was constantly stressing over what I ate and what I weighed.
 
And as a result, whether I was ten pounds underweight, overweight or at various points between, I was completely miserable and desperately lacked self-care.
 
My life felt like a roller coaster; food was the car and I was just along for the ride. And that really sucked. For so many years, I had tried to get my eating under wraps; I cut out all the “junk” and ate mostly fruits and veggies and vowed to exercise on the reg, hoping that one day, it would stick and I’d be healed.
 
And repeatedly, I was disappointed when it didn’t work.
 
When you know that deep down inside you have the potential to be so much more than what you’re putting out there, you become frustrated and beat down on yourself. And the truth is, the negative self-talk, name-calling (calling your body fat) and defeated attitude do nothing good for you.
 
You get stressed and bummed out. And when you’re bummed out, you eat.
 
The good news is that there’s a way out of this and it doesn’t include diets, detoxes, juice cleanses, pills or any kind of “magic fix.”
 
The key is forgiveness.
 
Forgiveness is the first step to permanently changing your relationship with food and your body.
 
When you can forgive yourself for mistakes you’ve made in the past, you allow yourself to see you for you, not your struggle.
 
You grant yourself the opportunity to make peace with your body; to thank her being there for you, after all you’ve put her through – the starving, bingeing, purging, name-calling, you name it.
 
Forgiveness is your ticket to freedom.
 
You see, most women believe that if they can just gain control over their weight, everything else will fall into place; they’ll feel confident, have more fun, be carefree and get the body they dream of.
 
But when trying hard isn’t working, I encourage you to try easier. To surrender control. To trust that your body knows better and won’t mislead you.
 
If that sounds good to you, here are a few tips to get you started:

  1. Give yourself “permission to be human;” to mess up. To learn through trial and error. Use your “mistakes” as lessons. With compassionate curiosity start to ask yourself, “what happened to cause this food frenzy?” Understanding your triggers will help you identify a binge before it happens and allow you to find new ways to handle your emotions.

 

  1. Speak to yourself sweetly. Changing the conversation that you have with yourself can be an extremely powerful tool to healing and forgiveness. Try turning around your negative self-talk to something more positive. Example: “I’ll never be able to stop binge-eating. I just don’t have the willpower.” To: “I’m doing my best to listen to my body’s needs and I fully love and accept myself.”

 

  1. Surrender control. Remove the labels from the “good” versus “bad” foods. Restrictive eating only leads to bingeing.

 

Remember, as with learning anything new, give yourself time and patience to acquire and practice these new, gentle and loving tools. Like working a new muscle, you will feel stronger each time you practice.
 
And that practice will lead to progress.

 

Guest Author Bio:

stephanieStephanie Lisetta Ferisin is a Body Image & Intuitive Eating Coach. Stephanie works with men and women who are sick and tired of struggling with their relationship with food and their bodies and want to feel and look their best without stressing over what they eat and what they weigh. In her one-on-one work, Stephanie helps her clients discover within, a body and life they desire through self-love and self-acceptance. She creates a safe space for her clients to receive the compassion, support and guidance to help them letting food consume them so they can live the good life, drama-free.
 
Stephanie is unlike many other nutrition and health experts in that her approach to wellness does not dwell on counting calories and weighing out foods. Her philosophy is that nourishment goes beyond the food on your plate. True nourishment refers to the self-love, self-care and whole foods that feed our mental, emotional and physical bodies. Through her unique approach, Stephanie empowers individuals to change their perspective on weight and weight loss so they can spend less time obsessing over the number on the scale and more time doing what they love to do most.