I’m aware that it’s mostly women who are reading my blog, but for my male readers, I love ya and wanted to write this post.
I talk a lot about relationships and dating, but it’s usually coming from my perspective of what, as a girl, can be done.
This post was inspired by the dating trials and tribulations of my girlfriends, my clients and myself.
While my dating life has come to an end with my approaching marriage, I still hear countless stories from my friends, my clients and women who write to me.
And there are some definite underlying themes that drive us ladies nuts!
So I wanted to share with you my Top 10 Dating Tips for Men from Women. Some might be pretty, some might be ugly, but either way they are real stories that women have shared.
1. If you say you’re going to call, just call.
This is simply basic respect. If you say you’re going to call, call. We have lives too, but if you tell us you’ll call us, chances are we’re excited about that. When you don’t end up calling it either shows that you’re flaky, or you simply don’t care. A friend of mine was starting to notice a guy she was dating pulling away. She put herself out there by giving him a chance to be honest, and he said he’d call to talk, then simply didn’t. Not. Cool.
2. Act interested, but not too interested.
When out on a date, conversation needs to be a two way street. So show us you’re interested! There is nothing more boring than a guy who only talks about himself. Make sure to ask us questions and be interested in what we have to say. I have a friend who does gorgeous ink artwork, and when she showed the guy she was dating he just responded with, “Is that pen?” Come on! Be interested in our lives and what we do, but not over the top, which can be creepy.
3. Chivalry is NOT dead.
OK I know that we’re in the 21st century here, and I am absolutely an advocate for equality, but I refuse to believe that chivalry is dead. One thing my fiancé always does is hold the car door open for me. He did this even when we were first dating, and still does. It’s such a small and simple act, but chivalry is a huge turn on.
4. Pay on the first date.
This plays on the last tip. I know some girls might even argue with me over this, and don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with chipping in for drinks/dinner when out on a date. But if you’ve asked a girl out, and it’s your first date, just be gentlemanly and pay. I’ve dated guys in the past who I know were really into me, and eventually wanted to take things further, but I always remembered if they hadn’t offered to pay on our first date.
5. If you’re just not that into us, okay, but please don’t suddenly get “too busy”.
Sometimes, you’re just not that into us. And vice versa. And that’s okay. But please don’t play games. Even though it’s scary, the most masculine thing you can possibly do is to be honest with us. I have girlfriends who keep making excuses for a guy who is blowing them off because he is suddenly “really busy”. They want to believe it, that he really just DOES have a lot going on. But we both know better. We make time in our lives for something that is a priority. If you weren’t too busy a few weeks ago, you aren’t now. Just be straight up if you don’t want to see us anymore.
6. Make the plans and stick to them
Nothing drives me crazier than dating a guy who is a total flake. And believe me, I’ve dated a few of them. Girls like a guy who can make a plan and stick to it. If you have commitment-phobia about sticking to a plan, or even making a plan that’s a week away, you know, just in case something comes up – then we’re going to question if you can make a commitment to us at all.
7. Take initiative
Girls are attracted to a man who can show some leadership. Personally, I love when a guy takes the initiative. Whether that’s setting the date and picking the place for dinner, or leaning in for a kiss, show us you’re someone with a little initiative.
8. Put some effort into how you dress, we appreciate that!
I’m not saying that you have to get all dressed up, in fact, sometimes that shows you’re trying a little “too” hard. Plus, I like a guy who can dress well but also can be casual and a little rugged. But if you’re going to take a girl out, especially if it’s the first date, put a little effort into your appearance. We like that!
9. Don’t call at 2 am.
Every girl, and guy for that matter, probably has a story about dating someone who only calls or texts them to “hang out” at 2 am. If it’s in the early phases of a relationship, and you can set a proper date at a proper time, you’re better off just going home to bed than calling us up at 2 am. Simple.
10. Have confidence in yourself.
This last one is a little more positive than the rest. I don’t want to seem like I’m just ragging on you guys! I understand that men have a tough time in the dating scene, too. We all do. And often men need a dose of self-love just as much as women. So this last statement trumps all the other advice: have confidence in yourself. No matter who you are, what you look like or what you do, just be confident in that. Nothing is more sexy than a man who knows who he is and doesn’t make excuses for it.